just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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