Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
