I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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