Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize