worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
