I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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