i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
