I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
