Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize