He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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