I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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