im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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