do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
