Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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