i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
