How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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