He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
