its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
