Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
