I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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