If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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