I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
