Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
