What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
