look no pants
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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