Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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