i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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