My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
