he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
