I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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