dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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