dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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