Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
