U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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