What a fucking waste of an outfit
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
