YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
