call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
