I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
