Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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