How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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