I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
