i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
