he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
