I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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