Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
