just come out here and I will go home with you...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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