it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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