I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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