well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
