Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
