I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
