I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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