This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
