I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
