ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
