Is it because I queefed?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize