It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
