He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
