Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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