take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
