I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
