butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
