how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sobbing to NWA
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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