omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
