Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
