Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
