i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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