Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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