Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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