Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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