Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
