shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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