Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
