If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
