She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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