just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
