Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
