It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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