Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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