you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
