am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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