I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
